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Okay, is anyone else tired of the new “let’s name every weather system” crap that the Weather Channel has started? “Falling snowflake Richard is headed for the ground in Western Pennsylvania! This symbol of global warming is a terrifying reminder to buy a lot of shit to keep yourself safe in the event of a serious weather event — like rain, snow, and sunshine — and to be utter horrified by the long term galactic climactic implications!

I know you guys aren’t pulling enough ratings with your climatapocalyptic infotainment (we actually tune in to see what the weather will be today) and you think scaring the crap out of your viewers is somehow doing them a service (it’s not.) So how about you just report the damned weather without agenda and hyperbole? I and the millions that just want to flick on the TV and see what the weather will be like that day, will thank you…

This just in: There is currently a air disturbance event we’ll call “Windy” in the Albuquerque metro area. Motorists should use caution as Windy has “stormy eyes that flash at the sound of lies…”